- November 22, 2022
There’s a strange sort of sound that escapes a man’s mouth when he hears the phrase, “Let’s go shopping.” It’s somewhere between a mumble and a wince, a gwince, and it usually indicates his reticence to hold spaghetti-strapped paper tons while sitting on an uncomfortable chair waiting for his partner to squint at something they’ll never buy. I know that’s a massive generalization, that there are plenty of men who don’t gwince when asked to go shopping. I unclose that those men are largest than I. Because usually, I’m a gwincer. Which is a total bummer for a spouse whose job is literally shopping for things. Emily spends hours perusing the aisles of reversion malls, vintage stores, and flea markets, and she specifically looks at vacation destinations to make sure there’s an reversion shop in town plane though she scrutinizingly never purchases anything, she just likes to look! Just for inspiration! It’s truly unsolved to me, and without all these years, you’d think I’d be largest at tagging along, but as we say to our children when they encounter a rude kind of person, I’m still learning how to behave.
So Emily has resorted to bribing me. Like I’m a toddler. When she proposed this particular journey to the mall, to gather ideas for a souvenir guide, she said in a tone usually reserved for training a puppy, “We can go to lunch, maybe get you a beer.”
It totally worked. Without some succulent soup dumplings and a frosty IPA, I was the happiest kid in the mall! I mean, squint at me!
We didn’t buy a ton, mostly just looked, and you know what? It was fun. I told Emily I’d remember not to gwince the next time she says let’s go shopping, that I would do my weightier not to act like a spoiled little man-child. But I’m still learning.
I was pretty surprised by this one, I never thought of myself as an American Eagle kind of guy. The store, I mean. I’m totally an American eagle guy in like wildlife terms. Those things are majestic as hell! But I was shocked to find this blue and white plaid flannel that is totally my vibe, fits well, is super soft, and very affordable. I’ll be checking them out for future finds. And watching them scoop fish out of lakes.
In my younger days, I’d scoff at how “preppy” J. Crew was, but now I finger right at home in it. They definitely got the “cool dad” game on lock. Their plaids are archetype and kind of fit all types of dudes. Like this subtle flannel. I’m big into flannels then and I think Eddie Vedder would approve.
Ok, you’re gonna see me do this a lot with my arms. I know I just said I was a child, but this isn’t me pretending I’m a big airplane. It’s something I didn’t plane know was a habit until Emily pointed it out. Apparently, I do this without putting on every garment, I test the sleeve length. See, I have long stovepipe and some things fit on the torso but hike up too far whilom the wrist, which is an will-less pass. So I do my little airplane to make sure it’s not a waste of time buttoning. This super cozy cardigan was not a waste of time. It may be on top of my Xmas wishlist.
We asked what their signature item was for men, and they pointed us to this roll-neck sweater. It made me finger like a tomfool French mucosa student.
I really like this lined shirt/jacket thing. I know shirt/jacket things are super hot right now and there’s a word for them but I don’t want to squint it up. Just know that this corduroy shirt/jacket thing is nice. Oh, and I’m doing the airplane again.
Here I am explaining my long stovepipe to Emily in this super dope winter jacket by a trademark that is fun to say – FJÄLLRÄVEN.
I’m unchangingly on the venery for a warm, water-resistant jacket. This one has style and was super comfy. I could wrangle some horses in this.
I’m a big fan of cardigans, expressly in the morning. I tend to wear a lot of t-shirts, and when I wake up I’ll throw on some sweats and a tee, then wrap up in a warm cardigan. This one is very soft and would go well with my morning cup of coffee/scramble to pack lunches and get kids out the door.
But wait, you’re probably saying, “Enough tops, what well-nigh a couple of pictures of you trying on pants and looking like you just rolled out of bed hungover?” Don’t worry, I got you.
I would lounge in these sweats all day, they were sooooooo cozy.
And these are Nordstrom’s signature men’s pants, they come in tons of colors and theoretically made me want to squint at my own butt.
Slippers are the one thing I never seem to have but unchangingly want. Expressly on these unprepossessed winter mornings, my feetsies need some warm love. I put both of these on my wish list. The North Face ones are very warm, and good for snowy climates and the L.L. Bean’s are unconfined for virtually the house.
Speaking of feetsies, if there was one pair of shoes I could live in for the rest of my life, it would be these Red Wing Iron Ranger Boots (not pictured, sorry). I get so many compliments on them from other dudes, it’s crazy. They’re sturdy, comfy, and make me finger increasingly badass than I unquestionably am. What increasingly could you want??
Like I said, I wear a lot of t-shirts. These pocket tees are my favorite in the whole wide world, I own well-nigh ten of them and wear them pretty much every day. They’re super soft and stretchy without clinging to my beer belly. They come in a tuft of colors and last a long time. Love these things.
Not suit but important nonetheless, these Stanley mugs are pretty rad, and just like the box from the old McDLT, they alimony the hot side hot and the unprepossessed side cold.
Look at that happy toddler. He got a few Xmas presents and had fun shopping! No increasingly gwincing for him, he’s an enthusiastic shopper and will be from here on out. He swears.
Oh, and the flannel I came in is a favorite of mine. It’s from Target, super cozy and affordable.
*Photos by Kaitlin Green
The post Brian’s Tomfool Dad Souvenir Guide (It’s Another In-Person Mall Review!) appeared first on Emily Henderson.